The Lex Files

October 30th, 2002

Blog Fiction fans rejoice. There’s an update to the story. It’s almost showtime!

In other news, for the first time, I posted to the wrong Blog. I meant to post about AIM away messages here, but I put it on Leth & Sex instead. Before I could correct the problem, Seth had replied.


This isn’t a bad thing, per se — or per hour, per diem, or per anything else.


I’m buying bananas today. Thanks for the tips, Mom!

October 29th, 2002

I would never post a celebratory message about the Eagles kicking butt before on Monday Night Football before the game ended, because that would just be stupid. But man, if I would make such a post pre-emptively, now would be the time.

October 28th, 2002

“Just add water” chicken soups that contain no chicken are stupid.

Is there a dehydrated creature running around out there to which one can “just add blood” and it’ll be a 100% chicken-free chicken?


The non-sequitur illogical defense rests its incomprehensible case.

What About Carrots?

Vegetables.

Can’t eat them, can’t live without them. This holds true for myself, at least.

I really really hate vegetables. I eat corn-on-the-cob and french fries, but the vegetable eating ends there. Not even carrots. Or baked potatoes. Or turnips. Or raddishes. Or onions.

Or fruits. I hate fruits, too. I eat apples and bananas, but only very very rarely. That’s it for fruits, though. I’m thinking of getting back on the banana bandwagon (which sounds like a fun amusement park ride), because someone on TV said that bananas were like medicine.

I have reached a point in my life where I’ll adjust my diet because someone on TV told me to. Unless the TV person says to eat other vegetables or fruits, because that ain’t gonna happen. Bananas, maybe. But I don’t know how to shop for bananas. I mean, I suppose it involves going to the store and wandering around aimlessly till you find the banana aisle. But after that, I don’t know if I want a full yellow peel, a black and yellow peel, a green peel, a repeal, pealonoidal cyst, or what.

I wish I liked vegetables, though. I like the sound it makes when people crunch into a salad. And I hate having to give back the free salad that comes with your entree, since I don’t get any compensation (say, free ice cream).

I wish I liked vegetables so that I could get my money’s worth at restaurants, and I’m thinking about bringing bananas back into my life because of something I heard on TV seconds before changing the channel. For all I know, the sentence went:

“Bananas are like medicine [click]… They can kill you.

October 23rd, 2002

It’s cold in L.A. today. I didn’t move here for cold.

The song “I’ll Be There For You” is super-famous (I know you don’t know it, Mom) as the theme song to Friends. Because it’s so famous and you’re so used to humming along with it as the show starts, you don’t even realize how stupid some of the lines are:

“It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear…”

Yes. My life is comparable to mid-speed driving gears. Why didn’t I think of that analogy?

“It’s like there’s Castor oil in your ear” would make more sense

October 21st, 2002

How come American Eagle makes those shirts that have random team numbers on them, or even random team names on them? Who needs a Cougars 7 shirt? No one.

My friend Seth cleaned up again in the Washington Post Style Invitational this week. I had three or four weeks of success over in that contest, at which point Gene Weingarten stopped finding my humor humorous, which makes me want to hit him hard in the humerus just to humor myself.

October 17th, 2002

Man oh man is Blog Fiction updated again.

I have decided not to post the decidedly true story of Anna Nicole Smith and my Orthodox Jewish friends and me In Las Vegas. All three converged at the Bellagio. And when that happens, even when you lose the entire $120 maximum gamble investment you’ve allocated yourself, you still go home a winner.

The media is making a big deal about the sham/joke of an election that Iraq just had.

YO! WE HAD A JOKE OF AN ELECTION, TOO!

WHAT IF GORE WERE IN THE JOB THE COUNTRY WANTED HIM IN? WOULDN’T YOU FEEL SAFER?

Sheesh.

October 12th, 2002

I’m pretty sure Blog Fiction is up to four parts on the current story. So you can check that out.

Some of you have forgotten/abandoned Leth & Sex. I acknowledge it’s not for everyone. In fact, I’m fairly certain that if you like any of the following pairings, you won’t enjoy Leth & Sex:


Gilbert & Sullivan

Lilo & Stitch

Freddy & Jason

Big & Tall

Pride & Prejudice


In other news, I’m planning on joining some Ortho buddies in a Vegas road trip. We leave tonight and return tomorrow evening. We sleep nowhere in between.

October 9th, 2002

Blog Fiction is updated, and uglier. The story’s expanded, but the web page itself is ugly. I’ll fix it later. There’s no link to the new part, so you’ll have to scroll. It’s a good story.

I think all three blogs are doing well. But what the hell do I know?


I know that I watch a lot of TV. Which is good (and also bad) for an aspiring TV writer.


I don’t watch that much. I mean, just:


Sunday:
7pm: Gilmore Girls Beginnings (KTLA 5)
10pm: The Practice (7 ABC)


Monday:
6pm: Monday Night Football (3 ABC)
9pm: Raymond (2 CBS)
10:00: Drew Carey (7 ABC)
10:30: Who’s Line Is It Anyway? (3 ABC)


Tuesday:
8pm: Gilmore Girls (KTLA 5)
8pm: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (UPN 13)
9pm: [Tuesday taped show]
10pm: NYPD Blue (7 ABC)


Wednesday:
8pm: Ed (NBC 4)
9pm: West Wing (NBC 4)
9pm: Twilight Zone (FOX 13)
10pm: Law and Order (NBC 4)


Thursday:
8pm: Friends (NBC 4)
8:30pm: Do Over (KTLA 5)
9pm: Jaime Kennedy Experiment (KTLA 5)
9:30 Off Centre (KTLA 5)
10pm: ER (NBC 4)


Friday:
9pm: John Doe (KTTV 11)
10pm: Law & Order: SVU (NBC 4)

Today is my Mom’s birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

Many of my readers should know my mother, since about 90% of you are directly related to her.