She had to catch up

March 30, 2004 on 4:19 pm | In News, Things of Amusement to Me

I’m sorry, but future first lady Teresa Heinz Kerry’s first wedding, when she tied the knot with Senator John Heinz, must have been a less-than-pleasant ceremony:

Heinz Kerry … was married to Republican Senator H. John Heinz III when he was killed in a 1991 plane crash… [Yahoo News]

Ouch. She couldn’t have picked a better time?

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    Funny Answering Machine Greetings

    March 29, 2004 on 6:55 am | In Funny Internet Things, Things of Amusement to Me

    Some people hate them. “Just let me leave the message!” they say.

    Some people are stupid, and they reference your answering machine greeting joke in the messages they leave you. This is foolish, since you generally haven’t just listened to your funny greeting before playing messages. I hate this sort of message. I also, however, am guilty of doing the same thing when leaving messages after hearing greetings that amuse me.

    I’ve had some funny greetings in my day:

    • You wanna leave a message for Lex?! What the f–BEEP??!!

    • Hi, this is the refrigerator. The answering machine’s broken, so leave the message with me and I’ll use a magnet to attach it to myself.

    • Hi, it’s the answering machine. How come no one ever just wants to talk to me?

    • Hi, I was never really an answering machine greeting of Lex’s; he just wanted a list of four and made me up. BEEP!

    And why do we still tell each other to leave our message after the beep? WHO DOESN’T KNOW THIS ALREADY? Are there people out there who would hear:

    “Hi, it’s Lex, thank–”

    and immediately start leaving their message while my greeting continued?

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    Copping To It

    March 28, 2004 on 4:41 am | In Good Stories, Life Updates, The Lex Files

    Today, I had a good Groundlings class. We played the “bartender joke” game I’ve discussed previously on L&S, and I was pleased with my own efforts:

    A diaper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve diapers here.” The diaper says, “Well, I guess it’s better to be pissed OFF than pissed IN!”

    Ha! I kill me.

    Bill Cosby walked into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve Bill Cosby here.” Bill Cosby says, “What is this, some kinda JOKE?!?!!”

    On my way home, I cell-phoned my parents, and hung up on them as a motorcycle policeman pulled me over. My registration sticker on my license plate was stolen, which he could see once he had me pulled over (as opposed to missing, in violation of the law). He let me go with the instructions to get a new sticker and X over it with a razor blade, so that peeling it off and reusing it would be harder for a thief to do.

    I am posting this from my own, home-grown Desktop blog-publishing software in progress.

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    Photo Finish

    March 24, 2004 on 12:38 am | In News

    Yahoo! News is an excellent source of news. Doubt me? Check out the Culver City tidbit in this photo.

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    Slow blogging

    March 18, 2004 on 5:28 pm | In Life Updates, The Lex Files, Things of Amusement to Me

    I’ve been bogged down, so I’ve been blogged down as well. I hate reading other bloggers’ posts about why they’ve been blogging less, because the reason is always the same: Other things were more important.

    I’ll get the spark again soon, when I have stories to tell that amuse or confound.

    For now, all I will mention is that a sultry Marge Simpson is the cover photo on April’s Maxim magazine, and that is funny.

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    Monkey Business

    March 12, 2004 on 11:37 pm | In Funny Internet Things

    I told you before that Adam Shain is a Monkey. Now Google knows Adam Shain is a Monkey also.

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    Bury Mason

    March 10, 2004 on 4:28 pm | In News

    Either journalists or their readers are getting stupider. And I think it’s actually both.

    This AP article relates today’s story about a Masonic initiation ritual in New York Tuesday night, wherein a 76-year-old held a gun to a newly-initiated member’s face and pulled the trigger. Gramps had confused his bullet-loaded, .38-caliber pistol with the .22 that was loaded with blanks.

    The article states, and I quote:

    The initiation rite was aimed at scaring the new member.

    In the words of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s Michelle Tanner: Duh.

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    Its about time

    March 9, 2004 on 6:15 am | In The Lex Files, Things of Amusement to Me

    My father rightly points out that my earlier post from today mixes up it’s its’s. Its rare that I make a mit’stake like that, but its rarer still for dear old Dad not to point it out.

    And now, its public knowledge. They’re you go. I hope your happy.

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    Internet Purim

    March 8, 2004 on 5:13 pm | In Jewish, Movies

    We Jews just celebrated the holiday of Purim. I really enjoyed this article and its take on Purim: The Movie.



    Now that many online college degrees are available, ranging from an online law degree to some sort of online education degree, there is much more flexibility in online degree possibilities. Even if you don’t want to get a whole elementary education degree online you can at least start getting some credits for the future.
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    CNN strikes gold

    March 3, 2004 on 8:06 pm | In Things of Amusement to Me

    “His pants could have been down because he was mooning a car he was drag racing,” Platt said. “His pants could have been down because he was urinating out of a window. His pants could have been down because he wasn’t feeling well.”

    From CNN’s article about a clever sex defense.

    I’m not feeling well. Think I’ll pull my pants down.

    Thanks to Christina for the link.

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