Lex Friedman Presents The Lex Files » 2004

The Best Wing

April 29, 2004 on 8:49 pm | In Uncategorized

I’ve had LASIK, so I’ve learned to trust my eyes now… But I had to double-check. Could it be that last night’s West Wing was somewhat — hold on now — watchable? How did that happen?

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Quick

Am I the only one when Studio 60 destroys its own continuity?

Watching the West Wing

From the Grab blog: On the live West Wing debate

The best thing about non-sequiturs is salsa-colored and.

April 29, 2004 on 5:09 pm | In Uncategorized

The Associated Press wins today’s “Weirdest Opening Paragraph” award:

Cheyenne, a cat that went missing in Florida seven years ago and was recently found wandering streets, was reunited Wednesday with her owner, who was flown to San Francisco at Ellen DeGeneres’ expense. (link)

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Sickening

The (Soft On Convicted) Terminators

From the Grab blog: If I could change one thing about myself…

November 6th, 2001

Trading Spaces

April 26, 2004 on 5:03 am | In Uncategorized

I didn’t win my mortgage from Trading Spaces: Home Free. But I’m still a Trading Spaces success story.

I started with this:
The original coffee table

Then I sanded it:
Sanding the coffee table

Then I primed it and started on the first coat:
Primed and with the first coat

After coat number two:
Both coats

Finally:

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Friends

In Treatment

Bed, Breakfast, and a Few Assorted Paragraphs: Our First Anniversary

Google Comedy

April 24, 2004 on 3:59 pm | In Uncategorized

Thanks to my referrer logs, I have determined that this website is:

The #1 Google result for “Ashley Olsen’s blog” … and the #2 Google result for “The Lex Files.”

People who Google trying to figure out who the actor is in those Shick Quatro commercials get no help at all. Rather, they are directed a post of mine about how the Shick Quatro razor sucks, because it won’t get clean under water from a normal faucet, and hairs clog up the four tightly-aligned blades very quickly, rendering the whole thing useless.

Somebody out there got here by Googling the question Why is Lex not on Letterman. Because they haven’t asked, my friend.

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Google is smarter than I am.

Emmys Et Al

Googly Moogly

My Solemn Vow

Joogle

April 23, 2004 on 5:14 am | In Uncategorized

Google acknowledges the anti-Semitic result that tops the list when you search for “Jew.”

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We Got It All

April 22, 2004 on 2:36 am | In Uncategorized

If you’re like me, you’re over 6 feet tall, married, hilarious, handsome, charming, and a big fan of Weird Al’s cult classic, UHF.

And, as such, you’ll find this photo essay fascinating, as a courageous Al fan visits many of the locations (in Tulsa, Oklahoma) where UHF was filmed.

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To-do

April 21, 2004 on 5:08 am | In Uncategorized

Eat.

Eat some more.

While full, read these interesting bits of classic rock trivia.

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Down the Tube

April 19, 2004 on 10:21 pm | In Uncategorized

I just lost a big post for this very blog. That’ll teach me to write blog posts on my work machine at lunch. Trusting IE — even a far superior wrapper for IE — is never smart.

Funny thing was, it was a serious, introspective post about sad songs. But now I’m too annoyed to rewrite it. So instead you get to peek at my Amazon Wishlist.

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Boob Tube

Linky linky

April 16, 2004 on 10:38 pm | In Uncategorized

Amazement and betrayal.

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Linky Linky Linky

I Used to Be Amusing

April 16, 2004 on 4:13 pm | In Uncategorized

Late, great Groundling Phil Hartman used to star in a recurring SNL skit called “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.” My family loved this skit, particularly its theme song:

He used to be a caveman…
But now, he’s a lawyer…
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!

The jingle was hilarious, and the skit was as formulaic as an episode of Home Improvement, but just as enjoyable.

As you may guess, Hartman’s lawyer was a thawed caveman, confused by the modern world, but still excellent at practicing law, with his Cro-Magnon-etic personality.

The “Unfrozeman Caveman Lawyer” jingle can be applied — and has been, by my parents especially — to nearly anything or anyone that undergoes a change of some sort:

He used to be a student,
But now, he’s a graduate…
Graduated student Lexy!

… might well have been sung to me at my commencement.

There’s also:

He used to be 22-years-old
But now, he’s 23-years-old
Happy birthday, Lexy!

… wouldn’t be too big a reach for a birthday song from my family. Once you know the tune, it’s fun to force other topics into the song as well:

He used to be a bumbling idiot…
But now, he’s the President…

It’s always the third line of the song that’s the hardest. Ideally, it should introduce a third concept or descriptor (cf., the “frozen” of the original jingle’s third line, a new concept based on the previous two lines of exposition).

There’s:

He used to be a caterpillar,
But now he’s a butterfly
Is that how you spell ‘caterpillar’?

I bring all this up by way of mentioning that:

She used to be a Krutzel
But now, she’s a Friedman
My wife of almost 8 months finally ordered and now received her new Social Security card with a last name of Friedman…