Tightening the News

November 30, 2004 on 6:30 pm | In Uncategorized

Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge will announce his resignation today, CNN has learned.

Man, why don’t they want to work for George? Seems like he’d be a great boss.

PS: Terrorists, no one’s watching, come and get us!

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    Don’t tell my sister

    November 30, 2004 on 4:09 am | In Uncategorized

    But Harvard got punk’d.

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    Work

    November 30, 2004 on 2:36 am | In Uncategorized

    Back to work.

    That’s always a tough adjustment, after four days out of the office - plus one birthday, to return to the office.

    So this morning I’ve elected to ever-so-slightly postpone the inevitable. That’s because I have an eye doctor appointment. I’m sitting in the waiting room, which would ideally be uneventful.

    Sadly, the radio is on.

    We’re being treated to a morning program with Ms. Idiot and Mr. Jackass.

    Jackass: We have a millionaire on the show today!
    Idiot: Yes! That means he is wealthy!
    Jackass: Hahaha!
    Idiot: Richer than we are!
    Jackass: Chortle chortle! Yes! When he has a party, he spends more on it than we would, on account of his greater wealth.
    Idiot: Rotflmao!!!
    Lex: Kill me.

    And, of course, the staff here who have interrupted me as I work on this post have done work towards the opposite goal: They’ve elected to have me die late.

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    I say it’s my birthday

    November 28, 2004 on 11:54 pm | In Uncategorized

    It’s my birthday today, so I can blog whatever the hell I want to. Hell, I can even say “hell” over and over again, without reason. Hell hell hell. I can’t talk about Hell without saying “Hell” can I ?– hell no!

    Funny comic strip: (new window).

    Lauren and I are back from Thanksgiving in Tucson. We’re thinking of spending all future holidays in areas that share the first letter, but with a different sound. Say, Yom Kippur in St Yves, or Hannukah in Herbsville.

    Never mind.

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    My Thanksgiving anthem

    November 25, 2004 on 3:45 am | In Uncategorized

    Oh say let’s give thanks
    No white men thinned our ranks
    Unlike those Indians who taught us how to grow corn

    Which of course they called maize
    So we give thanks and praise
    That our ancestors thought
    To steal their land and kill them

    But on Thanksgiving day
    Wash those mem’ries away
    Since now our country gives
    Equal rights (’less you’re gay)

    So three cheers for Thanksgiving
    We have so much to give thanks for
    At least we get to eat
    Unlike on Yom Kippur

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    At the airport

    November 25, 2004 on 3:25 am | In Uncategorized

    Airports are weird. In few other places do complete strangers run pieces of paper on your belongings and pretend that it makes you safer.

    Thanksgiving at the airport has actually been extremely uneventful — not that I’m complaining. No long lines at check-in or security. Though I should point out that with an hour and a half until boarding, there are alesdy long lines for all three boarding groups. As my people say, Oy.

    On the upside, Lauren saw Yolanda from A&E’s delightful program Airline.

    I have written a song for Thanksgiving. It will be shared here soon.

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    I want a triple triple so bad

    November 23, 2004 on 4:49 pm | In Uncategorized

    This is why I play Scrabble.

    Sort of.

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    Et Tu, U2?

    November 21, 2004 on 6:13 pm | In Uncategorized

    Last night’s SNL wasn’t bad at all. Much better than the previous week’s.

    Luke Wilson did a decent enough job, although as the show progressed, he became extremely cue-card-centric.

    What’s with the fact that neither SNL co-headwriter Tina Fey nor Weekend Update co-anchor Amy Poehler is the headwriter for Weekend Update itself???

    And what’s with U2 putting on a concert at the end of the show, as Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler cried, seemingly at their overwhelming joy of watching U2 sing one of their many songs that sound like all the rest of their many songs?

    Horatio Sanz and Seth Meyers breaking up during the “Best High School Teacher” skit was funny.

    But what’s with Rachel Dratch laughing at her own Debbie Downer skit? The rest of the cast kept it together, but she couldn’t. Weird.

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    TiVo clears up the crap; The Lex Files goes mobile

    November 20, 2004 on 6:28 am | In Uncategorized

    A TiVo rep clears up the aforementioned feces strewn about in the news yesterday.

    In other news…

    I have a BlackBerry. And since I frequently need to read my own blog on my mobile device, I have created a mobile version, making this site more accessible from PDAs and the like.

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    Boob Tube

    November 19, 2004 on 9:07 pm | In Uncategorized

    I work for a big, fun Internet company.

    This company happens to own several hugely popular websites. Some of those sites allow user-uploadable content.

    A week and a half ago, one of those big sites took my desk. Meaning, I got bumped to another location in the office because the ever-growing site needed more space in my area. No biggie — I got a better desk with a window.

    The person who took my desk has an interesting job. If you don’t know what her job is, you mentally tsk tsk at the quiet lesbian who is always surfing porn when you walk by her desk (which used to be yours). But if you do know that her job requires going through user-uploaded pictures on this huge site and removing all the dirty ones, things make a little more sense.

    That makes her job no less hilarious. Often, she’s just dealing with photos of topless women. But other times, she’s flagging photos that would make even your Cousin Joe blush. If you don’t have a Cousin Joe, you’ll have to substitute the person you know best who is most likely to forward you images of females in various states of undress.

    In fact, it’s people like Cousin Joe who keep the woman who took my desk employed.

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