The Lex Files

From the Grab blog: Lex’s Movie Quote Quiz

Okay, okay, I’m hopping on this meme very late in the game.  But still, the quizzes were fun, so today I’m sharing one.  You play by adding a comment to identify the movie from which any of these quotations comes.  And don’t Google them — that’s no fun!

Update: All 10 accounted for!

1. "This is not the forum to be cavalier." My Cousin Vinny, guessed by LaurenPretzel

2. "You get to drink from the fire hose!" UHF, guessed by Deuce

3. "I’m calling the organization of the United Brotherhood of It’s None of Your Damn Business, Lewis." The American President, guessed by ERIKHA

4. "You can milk just about anything with nipples." Meet the Parents, guessed by d0rk

5. "I can kill again! You’ve given me a reason to live!" Hot Shots, nearly correctly guessed by ERIKHA

6. He: "They’ll pay you 75 dollars a week."
She: "We only make 30 at the dairy."
He: "Well then, this would be more, wouldn’t it?" A League Of Their Own, guessed by Deuce

7. He: "My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We’re bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We’re coming in from the north, below their radar."
She: "When will you be back?" 
He: "I can’t tell you that. It’s classified." Airplane, guessed by Deuce

8. "The world, the place you live in, is the sick place." The Truman Show, guessed by ERIKHA

9. "First thing it’s two minutes, then four, then six, then the next thing you know, we’re the U.S. mail." Cast Away, guessed by GrabQA

10. "Don’t you tell me you don’t remember me, ’cause I sure as heckfire remember you." Groundhog Day, guessed by TC

From the Grab blog: Arm twisting.

You may have noticed the “Official Grab Blog.” It’s right there on the blogs home page; go look!





Generally speaking, I’m the guy who writes for that blog. Sure, once in a while, deuce posts, and once I ghostwrote a post for good ol’ wemmick, because his laptop was close by.





But most of the time, I’m the guy.





I thought it was time for that to change. So I’ve been casually soliciting blog posts from Grab staffers around Grab HQ. It’s a bit tougher than I might have expected.





I’m a hard guy to say no to. I like to think it’s because of my charm and friendliness, but I suppose it could also be of my overwhelming handsomeness. Who knows?





So no one’s said “no” to me just yet. But there have been some “maybe later”s. I know these folks have a lot to say (I have, after all, been in meetings with them — they just get a bit nervous about saying it!





I do have some staffers who have already promised to post. But let’s calm their fears — and reassure those staffers who haven’t yet signed on to share their thoughts on the Official Blog.





All I’m asking you to do is share some feedback. As you can see, my friend Conrad posted the first “staff introduction” type post on the Official Blog. Show him some love! Add a comment and give Conrad some feedback. He’ll appreciate, and I will too… and, with luck, so will the rest of the staff!

From the Grab blog: What do you do in a power failure?

If there’s a power failure, and the lights, TV, PC, microwave, fridge, and everything else are shut off, here’s what I do to pass the time:

If it’s daylight, I leave the house!

If that’s not an option, I light some candles, play some computer games on my laptop if it’s got some battery juice left… Read a book if there’s enough ambient light… Give up and sleep if there’s nothing else to do!

Osteopretrosis and Osteonecrosis

Kaleb is a bright 9 year old who suffers from the extremely rare combination of both the dominant form of osteopetrosis and osteonecrosis. This site is dedicated to spreading the word about his condition and finding that one gifted doctor who can save him from a life in a wheelchair. - helpkaleb.com

I regularly read the blog of a woman named Judi who writes about a variety of issues that interest me. Today, she blogged about a friend whose son is Kaleb, above. Kaleb’s hip is literally dying as the cells and bone marrow die. In theory, he needs hip replacement surgery, but that’s apparently not an option for nine-year-olds.

The point of their helpkaleb.com website, and my linking to it, is so that sometime soon a revolutionary doctor with new techniques for dealing with this rare combo of disorders will hear about Kaleb — and be able to help.

From the Grab blog: Copa Ca-Martha

I have a friend named Seth. Seth is one of the funniest people on the planet, and a few months ago, he and I wrote a song celebrating Martha Stewart’s hosting of "The Apprentice."

It’s to the tune of the "Copa-Cabana."

The Martha Cabana
by Seth Brown and Lex Friedman

Her name was Martha
She was a mogul
She had a famous magazine,
Taught folks how to cook and clean

She could use pine cones
To stuff a turkey
Although her voice sounds like a man’s,
Her clothing line has many fans

Except for in Beijing
Where kids do her sewing
Earning 14 cents an hour
Which is not much bling!

Now she’s hosting…
The new Apprentice
Like Trump’s hair, it’s truly momentous

Yes she’s hosting
The new Apprentice
We won’t get tired
Of hearing "You’re fired"
Since she’s hosting…
On your TV.

His name was Donald
He hired Martha
He didn’t care she broke the law,
Since she could make a mean foie gras

‘Though she was locked up
Her arts were crafty
She didn’t even find it hard
To garden in the prison yard

And now they’ve set her free
So she’s back on TV
Hosting this season of Apprentice
That’s on NBC!

Trump and Martha
On the Apprentice
Together, they’re both quite stupendous
Trump and Martha
On the Apprentice…
They lead in the ratings,
Cause they’re dominating
Trump and Martha….
On your TV!

From the Grab blog: TOO HOT or TOO COLD

If I have the choice between being too hot and being too cold, I’ll choose TOO COLD any day of the week!

I, too, am a sucker for cuddling under the blankets.

From the Grab blog: Osteopetrosis and Osteonecrosis

Kaleb is a bright 9 year old who suffers from the extremely rare combination of both the dominant form of osteopetrosis and osteonecrosis. This site is dedicated to spreading the word about his condition and finding that one gifted doctor who can save him from a life in a wheelchair. - helpkaleb.com





I regularly read the blog of a woman named Judi who writes about a variety of issues that interest me. Today, she blogged about a friend whose son is Kaleb, above. Kaleb’s hip is literally dying as the cells and bone marrow die. In theory, he needs hip replacement surgery, but that’s apparently not an option for nine-year-olds.





The point of their helpkaleb.com website, and my linking to it, is so that sometime soon a revolutionary doctor with new techniques for dealing with this rare combo of disorders will hear about Kaleb — and be able to help.

From the Grab blog: Britney.

I showed Lauren an article about Britney making millions of baby photos and videos, by selling clips of her newborn kid to the tabloids. She wasn’t impressed with Britney’s choice to profit that way.  I tend to agree with Lauren on this one.

But my question is, why does Britney need the money? Is it for the new kid’s college fund?  Because I got news for ya, Ms. Spears-Federline: Ain’t no way little Cletus is going to get — or comprehend — a college education.

Lauren hints that Brit&Kev could turn around and donate their newest influx of cash to one or more charities.  I’m thinking: Singing lessons.

(RIm shot.)

From the Grab blog: The Perfect Weather

For me, the ideal day’s weather would be…

Blissfully and sunny and warm, but with a nice and gentle cool breeze.  Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

From the Grab blog: The Six Things I’m Proudest Of

The six accomplishments in my life that I’m the most proud of are:

1. My marriage. It’s sappy, but it’s true.  I found me a great wife!  But my home life with my family of Lauren and Charlie is amazing, and full of laughter and love, not necessarily in that order.  I done good!

2. My job. I love what I do, and that’s always the key goal.  I had a teacher in high school who advised his students to get a good mattress, and a job doing something you love — because that’s where you spend the vast majority of your life: working and sleeping.  I sleep pretty well, and I enjoy my job very much, so I think I’m off to a good start.

3. My friends. Lauren and I didn’t find it easy to meet new people when we packed up and moved across the country; certainly we had a larger friend circle when we were in college than we do now. But the friends we do have now are good, fun, special people.  In fact, they’re exactly the kind of people I’d want to have as friends, so I must be doing pretty well.  If it’s true that you can judge a person by his friends, then I am friggin’ awesome.

4. My writing. I don’t take as much time as I could or should to work on writing, but I do love what I create when I take the time to do it.  The stories, scripts, songs, and essays I write for small audiences (often me and Lauren, sometimes "the web" at large) please me, and I’m proud of them.

5. My personality. I like who I am.  People and personalities certainly change throughout life, but I find that I like me more and more.  Not to exhale vapor upwards towards my own fanny, but I’m really proud of who I am and what I’ve become.

6. I’m really, really, really proud that I came up with five other things to be proud of.  Woo!