The Lex Files

From the Grab blog: 50 Things I’m Thankful For

They said it couldn’t be done.  "You missed Thanksgiving!" they hollered.  "Better luck remembering to do this blog entry next year!" they hooted.

But, dear friends, I am the rightful owner of blogs.grab.com/lex, and I can do whatever the heck I want here! 

So, critics be damned, I hereby present this list of 50 Things I’m Thankful For.  It’ll be updated throughout the day, until I hit 50. (Things. Not years old.)

1. My marriage.
2. Chocolate peanut-butter ice cream.
3. My short commute.
4. The presence of oxygen in the earth’s atmosphere.
5. The fact that people read my blog.  Er… blogs.
6. Warm blankets.
7. Tough actin’ Tinactin.
8. TiVo. I can’t believe I remembered TiVo after chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
9. The "intermittent" setting on windshield wipers.
10. Honey mustard dressing. Mmmmmmmm.
11. The number "six."  It comes up a lot.
12. The TV show "Lost."
13. Stress balls.
14. The holy experience that is being the first person to stick a knife into a jar of peanut-butter.
15. Air-conditioning.
16. The calorie-freeness of Diet Coke.
17. That I am now compared far less frequently with Jeff Goldblum.
18. Did I mention TiVo and my short commute?  I did.  In that case, I’m thankful it’s my list and I can repeat myself if I want to.
19. Indoor plumbing.
20. Seat belts.
21. Raindrops on kittens. Sloppy wet ones.  (That refers to the drops AND the kittens.)
22. The existence of the movie "My Cousin Vinny."
23. The fact that "Scrubs" is still on the air.
24. The fact that gravity still works, and I don’t fall down — or up — a lot.
25. Digital cameras.
26. Anti-bacterial hand gel.
27. Anti-hand bacteria.  Because at least I have something to use the gel for.
28. That Lauren still doesn’t kill me, even though I make the joke where I pretend to walk into a door and smash the heck out of my head, even though I make that joke at least twice a week.
29. Literacy.
30. Onomatopoeia.
31. Chocolate milkshakes.
32. Metabolism.
33. Metaphysics.
34. Metamucil.
35. My devilish good looks.
36. My job.
37. My health.
38. My Sharona.
39. The relative cheapness yet high quality of previously-viewed DVDs.
40. The word "mauve."
41. Charlie! (My adorable pet maltese.)
42. The music of William Shatner.
43. The fact that I get to work with fun people, like Ricemag.
44. The fact that Ricemag walked away, so I don’t have to keep sucking up to him.
45. The fact that I get to hear all the jokes in my head, not just the ones I take the time to speak aloud.
46. The fact that I’m almost finished with this list.
47. The fact that I can fill in this list in any order I want.
48. The game Gold Miner Classic. Can’t get enough!
49. The fact that I was blessed with such a dapper sense of style.
50. That I’m finally finished with this list!

Fox Sports Blogs

As you know, I’m focusing on my Grab Blog for the time being…

But I also happen to have a FOX Sports blog as well… FOX Sports Blogs is a brand new product, so check it totally out!

From the Grab blog: I can do whatever I want.

I just had not Writer’s Block, but rather… Writer’s Avalanche.  I wanted to blog about TOO MANY things at once.

First, I wanted to blog about the amazing vacation my wife and I just took in Palm Springs.   So relaxing. So beautiful.  So fun.  And that’s just Lauren!  But seriously… our trip included the Palm Springs Zoo & Desert Museum, a tram ride up nearly 8,000 feet to the top of a mountain, and a brief visit with relatives who were staying in a massive home once rented by Elvis.

I also wanted to blog about how today is my birthday, and isn’t that grand, and boy am I old, and I love presents, and blah blah blah.  But my Grab inbox is already overflowing with birthday wishes, and I don’t want to stoke that fire any more!

And, before Thanksgiving, I was hoping to blog a list of 50 things I’m thankful for.  But I forgot to do it, because the day before Thanksgiving was a short work day and — of course — the start of vacation time.  Maybe next year.

For the time being, I’m going to get some work done.

From the Grab blog: YAB

"YAB?" you cry.  "YAB?" you exclaim.  "What does YAB stand for, Lex?!" you shout.

I hear you.  If you waited a sec before interrupting this blog post, I would have told you already! 

YAB stands for "Yet Another Blog."  As in, I have one.  And it’s sports-related!

See, our friends over at FOXSports.com have introduced FOX Sports Blogs, and I’ve created a blog devoted to my favorite football team, the Philadelphia Eagles.  Check it totally out!

From the Grab blog: Thanksgiving & Bear City

Last season, Saturday Night Live did a recurring filmed (non-live) sketch called "Bear City."  These clips were narrated by Fred Willard, and featured actors in bear costumes living life in a not-very-humorous way.  Which is to say, the skit wasn’t that funny.

But for the past two days, the jingle: "Bear City! Bear Bear City!" has been echoing around in the vast chamber I call My Head.

Damn you, Bear City!

I mention all this for two reasons:

1. Because the damn song is stuck in my head and I can barely hear my own thoughts, what with this unceasing "Bear City" anthem pumping through my skull.

2. Because, given that today’s the day before Thanksgiving, my head has written its own little parody of the "Bear City" theme song as: "Thanksgiving! Thanks Thanksgiving!"

It’s a great parody.

Lauren and I are headed to Palm Springs tomorrow, for a desert Thanksgiving with horseback-riding, zoo-visiting, food-eating, and non-working. WOOHOO!

From the Grab blog: Note to Medium In 3-D

I am angry. Give me back my $3.00!

I enjoy the television series Medium.  The actors — particularly the kids — are excellent and fun to watch. The storylines are good.  The show is often scary, and the concept is entertaining.

For weeks, they ahd been hyping this past Monday’s 3-D episode.

Lauren and I went out and bought TV Guides with free 3-D glasses enclosed,  to experience the three-dimensional wonderment.  Ad after ad and article after article hyped the forthcoming multimedia extravaganza.

And… it stank. On ice.  It was crap.

I mean, there was maybe a total of five minutes of 3-D footage in the entire episode.  A flashing icon would pull you out of the story to indicate when you should put on your 3-D glasses.  And the 3-D effects were very, very poor.  Whether it was cheap glasses or cheap cameras that should receive the blame, the net result was that Medium in 3-D just offered one extra dimension of crap for this week’s episode.  And I, for one, prefer my crap in as few dimensions as possible.

From the Grab blog: Memo to my office toys.

I have a variety of office toys.  There’s a mold-able pig that I can reshape into various poses, a small magnetic stick figure with similar abilities, one of those clackity metal ball things that bounce around in fun patterns, a fun smile-bearing little yellow bendy guy, a funny, odd-shaped very bouncy ball, a sarcastic "magic-8"-style ball, a squeezy orange stress/happy-face ball, and occasionally some weird stretchy Chuzzle-looking rubber balls that my boss bought a few months ago.

It’s a large desk.

But I do wish that all the toys on my desk could do a better job keeping my desk clutter-free.  I give them a home, and allow — nay, encourage! — my coworkers to amuse themselves when they stop by for a question, impromptu meeting or (never!) quick chat. 

And yet… They give me nothing in return.  In fact, if you can imagine, sometimes my numerous office toys seem to ADD to the clutter here in my cube.

The nerve.

So, MEMO TO MY OFFICE TOYS:

Thanks a lot.  Jerks.

Love,
Lex

From the Grab blog: If I Took Over the World

If I could take over the world, the first ten rules I would make are:

1. Four-day work week, at five-day work week salaries. Business models be damned!

2. Arrested Development un-cancelled.

3. Hybrd (or cleaner) cars only.

4. Better distribution of food to the hungry and medicine to the sick.

5. I get to have a recurring starring roll on Arrested Development.

6. Scientists must develop ice cream that tastes exactly as good as the full-fat original, but with no calories.

7. Eliminate any toilet paper less than 3-ply.

8. All sinks, doors, and soap dispensers in public bathrooms must be foot-operated to prevent skin contact with germy surfaces.

9. I write at least three episodes per season of Arrested Development.

10. No shirt, no shoes, no problem. Except in public restrooms.

From the Grab blog: 360JMG and the power of Jake Rubin

I went to college with some impressive people.

I attended Brandeis University in scenic Waltham, Massachusetts, where I wrote for The Justice, sang with two a cappella groups, worked at the campus radio station, and, of course, met my wife.  (Note, for the record, that she was not my wife at the time. That would have been weird.)

I also met some other fun and talented people.  One of those fun and talented people ("falented," for short) was (and is!) Jake Rubin.

Jake’s one of those guys with enough confidence and intelligence to do what he wants to do.  And right now, what Jake wants to do is spready the word about his employer, 360JMG.  See, Jake worked for a company called Group360, which recently merged with JMG Direct, to form this new company, based in Washington, DC, called 360JMG.

They call themselves a "strategic communications firm."  Basically, they provide PR services to their clients — advertising, new media, direct mail… the whole kielbasa.  360JMG helps candidates win races.

To me, that sounds like a pretty tough challenge.  But, as I mentioned, my college bud Jake Rubin works there.  And I’ve seen Jake Rubin convince a small army of college kids that it’s worthwhile to wake up at 9am on a Sunday to consume cafeteria "cheese-eggs" while wearing funny hats.  I’ve seen Jake Rubin spring into action, keeping a cool head in crazed situations, like when I slipped coming out of the shower on our suite’s bathroom cement floor and got a huge gash near my eye, and he called the campus medics and helped groggy ol’ me get some clothes on before they arrived.  And, perhaps most importantly, I’ve seen Jake Rubin help put together a bachelor party for me that neither compromised my morals NOR lacked the requisite (yet mild!) debauchery. 

Jake Rubin’s a smooth guy.  And he works for 360JMG – which makes me feel pretty confident about their services.  And thus, Jake has more than earned this shout-out for his employer from me. 

From the Grab blog: Late night at Grab HQ

It’s a late night.



Well, it’s not late. But it’s late to be at work. On a Friday. For crying out loud.



But I’m hangin’ with cool peeps! Jeff and Zach and Deuce (whose real name is Dave, but that only comes out at night), and Chris, and Steve, and grabqabakp, and Adi.



It’s fun.



Sort of.



I mean, it’s work. But it’s fun.



This post has no point. (Or does my point have no post?)



Other than: People at work late on a Friday get punch.



Love,

Lex