The Lex Files

From the Grab blog: Gooooooooood morning!

5:30 AM.

That’s the time I’m waking up every day now.  Giving me about an hour and a half extra per day.  Which adds up to… a LOT of extra time each week. 

And, to make a good thing even better, I’ve been taking the first forty minutes of my day and heading to the gym in my complex.  Six minute walk there, then immediately turn around and go home.  No, I kid.  Six minute walk there, then free weights, then twenty-eight minutes of treadmill, a little more freeweights, and then the six minute walk home.

I’ve been doing the wake-up thing for three weeks.  This is only the second week of the workout regimen, but this far it’s been both fun AND rewarding.  Fun, because I have lots of extra time each week.  Rewarding, because the ladies tell me I’m handsome and fit even more ofen than they used to.

(I should note that they tell me more with subtle, non-verbal cues than with actual, you know, words.)

From the Grab blog: Attention Cell Phone Companies.

“Hi, this is Lex’s cell phone!  Please leave a message.” 
“At the tone, please record your message.  When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press star for more options. To send a numeric page, press 7.  (Pause. Pause. Pause.) Beeeeeeeeep.”

Why oh why do you do this to us, cell phone companies? I don’t want any extra automated vocal greetings when someone calls me — or when I call someone else!

“At the tone, please record your message.”  Oh, is that how voicemail works?  I had no idea, it’s only been the same freaking system for 8,000 years of answering machines.

“When you are finished recording, you may hang up…”  Thanks for the permission.  Used to be I would waste HOURS, waiting after I left a message, not realizing I was now permitted to return the phone to its cradle.  Now that a pre-recorded lady authorizes me to do so, I’ve freed up a lot of time.

“… or press star for more options.”  Options.  The only option I want is “never hear your stupid electronic voice again.”

“To send a numeric page, press 7.”  Do you know the last time I numerically paged someone?  I think it was about — I’m estimating here — NEVER. 

So listen up, cell phone people.  GET RID OF THE PRE-RECORDED VOICEMAIL GREETINGS.  If I record a greeting, use my greeting, and ONLY my greeting.  And to finish reading this blog post, close the window.

From the Grab blog: Free WiFi == Good

So, Lauren and I spent some of Presidents’ Day Weekend in Tucson, visiting my folks. I did do some work over the weekend — that’s the curse and blessing of working for a website like Grab.com!



Our weekend was action-packed, believe you me. We saw Kevin Eubanks (of “Tonight Show” fame) performing with his jazz quartet, and we saw a music that hopes (in vain, methinks) to hit Broadway: “Bombay Dreams.” And we ate. A lot.



And we visited the Desert Museum.



And we ate.



And now, as we sit in the airport (our return flight, like the one that got us here, is delayed), we’ve discovered a modern airport wonder:



Free WiFi.



Meaning, we can surf the Internet — posting on our blogs and the message boards and checking our email and whatnot — while we wait for the plane! Woohoo!



I was about to type, “Since that’s the case, the plane can take as long as it wants.” But then I remembered the best part about going home: CHARLIE! We’ll see you soon, buddy! And since when can dogs surf the Internet?

From the Grab blog: Please tell me this post isn’t about Lazy Sunday.

Okay. But I’d be lying.





A blogger’s kids re-recorded the song, and another blogger fit the kids (horrendous-yet-cute) rendition to the video: Watch.





Not to be outdone, another pair of kids and their dad made a shot for shot remake of the video: Watch that, too.

From the Grab blog: Not more Lazy Sunday! Yes. More.

Parental discretion is advised.  The people in the movie I plan to link to use a certain bad word more than once.  Please be careful. 

But you know I love Lazy Sunday. I have found (from my delightful coworkers) a second response to it, this one by some Midwesterners.

From the Grab blog: Grab 3.0!

So, as you probably know, my “day job” involvese working on Grab.com.  And, as you (I hope!) also probably know, we just released “Grab 3.0″ yesterday.

I won’t give you the sales pitch here; we do that elsewhere. But I did want to give myself a shout-out regarding the six (count ‘em, six!) Grab songs that I put together in celebration of the big 3.0 relaunch.

Oh, and make sure you enter the Grabathlon!  It took a lot of wheeling and dealing to be able to give away $1,000 to anyone, even our international members, so y’all best be playing!

From the Grab blog: Eulogy

What would you like to be said about you at your funeral?

I haven’t done one of Grab’s patented “Blog Ideas of the Day” in a while, so here goes.  I would like the eulogy at my own funeral to go a little something like this:

“Whoops! Sorry, wrong room.”

Hahahaha.  I kid, I kid.

Lex Friedman was a good man.  Ever since he cured cancer while hosting his second episode of Saturday Night Live, I knew he was destined for greatness.  Whether it was his overwhelming handsomeness or his instrinsic charm that did it, Lex and success seemed to have more than passing end-rhyme in common.

When President and later Chief Justice Friedman and I first met, it was because he had saved my life my rescuing me from a burning pool of fire in which I was both aflame and drowning.  He carried me out of the disaster with one well-chiseled arm, and made the funniest joke I had ever heard, which itself then became world-famous and thus needn’t be retold here.

But now he is gone.  After a short, scant 372 years on this year, President Chief Justice Dr. Captain Chief Sir Master His Royal Highness Lex Friedman, ESQ. has accomplished more — and acquired more titles — than any of us ever will or should.  His style of greatness comes but once an epoch.  And we are all better for having shared just a smidgen of oxygen with this fine man.

That’d be a good one.

From the Grab blog: Shampoo

Some mornings, I use Head & Shoulders.

Some mornings, I use apple-scented Suave.

And some days, I’m feeling daring, so I pour a little Head & Shoulders into my hand, and then pour a little Suave into my hand as well, and then use the soapy combo to wash my hair.

And every single time I do that, I secretly hope that I’ll create a little “science experiment”-style volcano of erupting shampoo.

It hasn’t happened yet.

From the Grab blog: Perhaps this makes me a bad person.

I read the headline, and I knew I had to blog the article.



Oh, Stephanie. How rude!