The Lex Files

Vote for Lex

I am participating in another Internet contest. You should go and vote, but please vote for your favorite. I presume your favorite will be me, since if you read my blog I presume you enjoy my comedic stylings, but vote your conscience.

The contest is for songwriters. For this first round, we had one week to write a theme song in the style of a classic TV theme from the 60s, 70s, or 80s. The theme was to be for a fictional show starring ourselves.

I took my inspiration from the Inspector Gadget theme.

My song: Hey, It’s Lex Friedman!

Go and vote.

More on that Last-Ever Week in Douchebaggery

As I mentioned, last week’s Week in Douchebaggery was the show’s swan-song.

There’s been an outpouring (or at least, out-dripping) of grief here on the comments in my blog, on the comments on Cracked, and also on YouTube.

Because there’s been genuine concern expressed (in Internet terms anyway) (as in, “Hey, hope u don’t kill yerself LOL!!!11!”), I wanted to explain that no, I haven’t been fired from my day job. It’s just that the WiD was only one small component of my job, and for the time being I’m focusing elsewhere day-to-day. The show’s audience’s fervor was much stronger than its size, and the ROI on making the weekly show wasn’t too compelling at this point.

But you haven’t seen the last of me! Or my snark!

The Last Ever Week in Douchebaggery

Sad but true: Enjoy the last-ever episode of Cracked’s Week in Douchebaggery, hosted by me.

This story makes me want to toss my cookies.

Ha!

Continuing the Lex Files tradition of mentioning Jake Rubin on occasion

We proudly cite this article:

“I don’t know if they yelled, ‘Is there a doctor in the house?’ ” said his spokesman Jake Rubin.

I never knew Einstein was asked to be Israel’s second president.

Spoiler alert: He declined.

Oh Do Not Forsake Me

Blog: Lex, why do you forsake me so? Why do you leave me barren and alone, like a very old woman in the desert?

Lex: Well, first, blog, I appreciate your use of the simile. Similes always make me smile.

Blog: Thank you.

Lex: You’re quite welcome.

Blog: Word.

Lex: But you’re absolutely right. I have forsaken you, and through little to no fault of your own. Other than all the spam you suck in on a daily basis, forcing me to filter out thousands of comments a day, you’re a very sweet, loving, and affectionate blog.

Blog: Like your wife.

Lex: Okay, weirder simile, but acceptable. A good Mother’s Day shout-out/reference, at any rate. Happy Mother’s Day, Lauren!

Blog: Let’s get back to me.

Lex: Okay, fair enough. It’s hardly “always about you,” so we’ll make just this one time about you instead.

Blog: Appreciated.

Lex: Blog, it’s not that I don’t love you as much as any man can love his non-sentient web log. It’s just that I have so many loves and needs in my life.

Blog: Here we go again. It’s not me, it’s you.

Lex: Hey, hey, hey. You know I want to write in you all the time. But I have a nearly 19-month-old daughter! She takes a lot of time, as you might imagine. And I blog about her from time to time, sometimes with humorous results.

Blog: Wait, you’re posting funny stuff over on the Baby Blog and not here?

Lex: In certain situations, yes.

Blog: Listen, Lextacular. Other parents blog. It can be done. Don’t blame this on Anya — that’s crap.

Lex: Ouch. Words can hurt, blog.

Blog: Sorry. So, don’t blame this on Anya… that’s… hooey.

Lex: Fair enough. It is certainly true that other parents blog. But I also have a very Demanding job, and I’m working on a rather enormous project, not to mention creating a video-based comedy news show once a week.

Blog: Blah, blah, blah.

Lex: I know. When I have free time once Anya’s asleep, I like to spend time with Lauren. Or read. Or, yes, watch one of the shows we TiVo religiously. And I don’t want to shortchange you.

Blog: Shortchange me?! What the hell?! You don’t write anything here for weeks at a time and you claim you don’t want to shortchange me?!

Lex: That’s a lot of question-mark-exclamation-points. You may want to research the interrobang.

Blog: The what‽

Lex: Exactly. But the thing is, I hate writing on you while also doing something else, like watching television. I’m proudest of you when the writing shared here is something I’ve spent some time and attention on crafting.

Blog: Well, that’s sweet.

Lex: Yes.

Blog: Like a sweet, sweet nectarine, whose insides have been replaced with chocolate, and whose outside has been replaced with a crunchy white chocolate shell.

Lex: Some of your similes are forced.

Blog: Some of your dialogue is too, asshole.