The Lex Files

Oh Do Not Forsake Me

Blog: Lex, why do you forsake me so? Why do you leave me barren and alone, like a very old woman in the desert?

Lex: Well, first, blog, I appreciate your use of the simile. Similes always make me smile.

Blog: Thank you.

Lex: You’re quite welcome.

Blog: Word.

Lex: But you’re absolutely right. I have forsaken you, and through little to no fault of your own. Other than all the spam you suck in on a daily basis, forcing me to filter out thousands of comments a day, you’re a very sweet, loving, and affectionate blog.

Blog: Like your wife.

Lex: Okay, weirder simile, but acceptable. A good Mother’s Day shout-out/reference, at any rate. Happy Mother’s Day, Lauren!

Blog: Let’s get back to me.

Lex: Okay, fair enough. It’s hardly “always about you,” so we’ll make just this one time about you instead.

Blog: Appreciated.

Lex: Blog, it’s not that I don’t love you as much as any man can love his non-sentient web log. It’s just that I have so many loves and needs in my life.

Blog: Here we go again. It’s not me, it’s you.

Lex: Hey, hey, hey. You know I want to write in you all the time. But I have a nearly 19-month-old daughter! She takes a lot of time, as you might imagine. And I blog about her from time to time, sometimes with humorous results.

Blog: Wait, you’re posting funny stuff over on the Baby Blog and not here?

Lex: In certain situations, yes.

Blog: Listen, Lextacular. Other parents blog. It can be done. Don’t blame this on Anya — that’s crap.

Lex: Ouch. Words can hurt, blog.

Blog: Sorry. So, don’t blame this on Anya… that’s… hooey.

Lex: Fair enough. It is certainly true that other parents blog. But I also have a very Demanding job, and I’m working on a rather enormous project, not to mention creating a video-based comedy news show once a week.

Blog: Blah, blah, blah.

Lex: I know. When I have free time once Anya’s asleep, I like to spend time with Lauren. Or read. Or, yes, watch one of the shows we TiVo religiously. And I don’t want to shortchange you.

Blog: Shortchange me?! What the hell?! You don’t write anything here for weeks at a time and you claim you don’t want to shortchange me?!

Lex: That’s a lot of question-mark-exclamation-points. You may want to research the interrobang.

Blog: The what‽

Lex: Exactly. But the thing is, I hate writing on you while also doing something else, like watching television. I’m proudest of you when the writing shared here is something I’ve spent some time and attention on crafting.

Blog: Well, that’s sweet.

Lex: Yes.

Blog: Like a sweet, sweet nectarine, whose insides have been replaced with chocolate, and whose outside has been replaced with a crunchy white chocolate shell.

Lex: Some of your similes are forced.

Blog: Some of your dialogue is too, asshole.

80+ new photos

Look!

Today’s post…

Today’s post is brought to you by Anya Haley Friedman, who chose to be awake for playing between 2 and 4am this morning.

Her sponsored post is as follows:

GOOD NIGHT.

Dad’s Night In

Last night, Lauren enjoyed a Moms’ Night Out. (The nice thing about said Moms’ Night Out is that it’s with a group of moms whose husbands all participate in my occasional Dads’ Night Out.) The ladies enjoyed a meal at a newish Italian restaurant, where I presume they spent most of their evening talking about how wonderful their husbands are. And handsome. And hilarious.

Of course, when Mommy has a night out, Daddy has a night in. That meant I got to have solo duty on (most of) Anya’s dinner, and all of her post-dinner play, plus the getting-ready-for-bed-routine, and the actual going-to-bed-routine.

I’m a fan of this process, of course. It’s a blast getting extra 1-on-1 time with Anya; we just don’t get that much during the work week. Bonding as a family is wonderful fun, but 1-on-1 time is an excellent treat that’s special in its own way.

Of course, once Ani is sleeping soundly, Dad’s Night In kicks into a different gear. That’s when I break out the booze, the smokes, and the debauchery. By which I mean, “Watch Movies That Lauren Has Absolutely No Interest In Seeing.” Last night’s: Tenacious D: In the Pick of Destiny.

TDITPOD, as I call it, was much better than I expected, a brilliant mix of stupid comedy with ridiculous comic acoustic rock. You know, like The Godfather.

I have a cute kid.

I mean, c’mon. That is a seriously cute baby.

I am very happy with my new camera.

I’ve taken many photos since I opened the camera yesterday:

Everything but the first three photos of Anya in our first October 2007 album, and all of our second October 2007 album was taken with the new camera.

It’s a Nikon D70, which isn’t Nikon’s top of the line, and it’s not their newest either. But it’s the best little digital SLR that fits my bank account and skill level, and I’m excited to learn it and improve as a photographer while scoring ever-better shots of my family!

(Of course, when someone like Anya is your subject matter, you could use a Polaroid and still get beautiful photos!)

Happy Birthday to My Wife

It’s my best friend’s birthday today. On occasion, I’ve posted lovey-dovey birthday messages on this very blog, full of affection.

But Lauren doesn’t read my blog. So I gave her lovey-dovey messages in person instead. And I’m using today’s blog space to passive-aggressively chastise her for not reading the genius that is The Lex Files.

Anya and I gave Lauren a treadmill. (No, I wasn’t sending Lauren a message… Unless the message you mean was: “Yes, I love you enough to get you the expensive present you wanted so much.”)

Things I Knew to be True About Parenting, But Nonetheless Was Still Surprised By

1. Your own baby’s drool and spit-up is just not that disgusting.
2. Corollary to rule #1: Other people’s babies do have disgusting spit-up and drool.
3. Changing diapers it not a big deal. But it does get tiresome and annoying.
4. Worrying is a full-time job.
5. Parenting is more fun than working.
6. When your baby smiles at you, nothing else matters.
7. Corollary to rules #6 and #4: If your house catches on fire, you better hope your baby doesn’t start smiling at you, because in that case, something else actually does matter, even though the smile is deceiving you.

Life in Tucson

Life in Tucson is not identical to life in New Jersey. According to the Internet and my mother-in-law (two vast stores of useless and useful information), our east coast home has been literally freezing while Lauren, Anya, and I enjoy Tucson’s 80+ degree weather.

Many elements of Tucson life are identical for me to NJ living. Working from home is pretty much the same regardless of which state I’m in… Though working on the same time zone as my coworkers does have its perks.

Taking care of Anya is definitely different; we don’t have our full arsenal of babycare tools at our disposal. But she’s such a happy girl, even when sick, that it hasn’t been too tough.

What Lex Has Been Up To

• Walks with Anya and Charlie
• Rewriting children’s music
• Creating a new video ode to Spring