The Lex Files

Orange vs. Lager

As you may recall, I’m involved in a songwriting contest.

My friends, the time has come to vote for me again.

This time, we were asked to write songs comparing two nouns (from lists the contest’s sponsors provided). The song also had to be at least 1:45 long, and had to feature a syllable repeated five consecutive times, on at least three separate occasions during the song.

You can hear the song, and vote for it if it’s your favorite (it is), right here.

What do you do when your show is cancelled?

I originally was going to post the following entry on the Official Cracked Blog, but we decided not to:

Until recently, I hosted Cracked.com’s world-famous* Week in Douchebaggery. A few days before last Friday’s show, I was unceremoniously fired.

Okay, that’s a lie. There was a big “We’re Firing Lex” party. My firing was extremely ceremonious. Swaim was there to offer me some moral support: “I told ya you should have had a few more websites as characters in your video,” he said. “Those always work.” I left him to polish his gold-plated musket.

For a while, there was talk of having Cracked editor Jack O’Brien take over the show. His charm and dapper good looks give him at least two advantages over me, and the thought was that if we didn’t have any good jokes for him, he could just smile his suave, “I-ooze-sexuality” smile and still hit the homepage of Digg. Or at least Reddit. But Jack decided he’s too busy banging hot chicks who are just a little too short to be real models, but cute enough to sell Snorg tees. I can’t say I blame him. At least not on camera. Since I’ve been, you know, cancelled.

Gladstone was there, at the Firing Lex Ceremony. He tried not to mention that his recurrent “Hate by Numbers” video bit is still alive and kicking, and that it’s hit the homepage of Digg more than [abusive celebrity X] hit [victimized celebrity Y]. You know what, Gladstone? Your self-serving grin said it all. Get a goddamn first name. And a real green-screen while you’re at it. The Week in Douchebaggery might not have had an audience, or “good writing,” or “return on investment,” or “a point,” but we had a real goddamn green-screen.

So, what do I do now each week, instead of scouring the world’s press for douchebagginess in the news? Great question, self. I’m glad I asked me that.

The answer is, I compete in Internet-based contests. Specifically, I’m trying to be named a “Master of Song-Fu.” You can scroll down to the bottom and vote for me right here.

Sure, my entry into the contest may lack the talent, emotion, or singing ability that some of the competition offer. But it’s keeping me off the street, and that’s something. My good friend Swaim begged up and down Cracked.com for votes in that YouTube contest a month or two ago. Does anyone out there still have love for That Douchebag Guy? I’m not above begging.

It’s pretty much how I eat these days.

* Both my parents watched it, and my wife sometimes, too.

Vote for Lex

I am participating in another Internet contest. You should go and vote, but please vote for your favorite. I presume your favorite will be me, since if you read my blog I presume you enjoy my comedic stylings, but vote your conscience.

The contest is for songwriters. For this first round, we had one week to write a theme song in the style of a classic TV theme from the 60s, 70s, or 80s. The theme was to be for a fictional show starring ourselves.

I took my inspiration from the Inspector Gadget theme.

My song: Hey, It’s Lex Friedman!

Go and vote.

Angry Fatso

Besides resolving to blog every day more this year, I also vowed to record 12 songs in 2008.

The first to be released is Angry Fatso.

OJ Simpson: I Know You Did It!

Please don’t kill me, OJ.

The Internet’s Out

I’ve been meaning to share this one for a few days.

You know when the Internet goes out? And how that sucks? I wrote a song that tries to encapsulate how I feel whenever The Internet’s Out.

Portrait of the Modern Terrorist as an Idiot

Well said.

Empty Cardboard Box, redux

I recently purchased a new microphone. Comparing my new mic (a Blue Snowball) to my old one (a Logitech USB desktop model) is like comparing Madden to Tecmo Bowl. The older one has some kitsch appeal, but it’s really not even in the same league as the new one.

It’s the new mic, I think, that makes this updated version of Empty Box so much more enjoyable than its predecessor. Re-done vocals with the Snowball, plus a decidedly focused attempt on making the last word of the song (”can”) more understandable.

Empty Cardboard Box

No one ever writes songs about empty cardboard boxes.

Except me.

Empty Box

Kelly Clarkson Guest Stars on The Leth & Sex Podcast!

Okay, that’s a lie.

But I have vastly improved Kelly Clarkson, my song about (surprise!) Kelly Clarkson. Cleared up the lyrics, and cleaned up the sound — rerecording all the vocals to get the fast pace better synced. Instead of Lex mush, you get Wall of Lex, the desired effect.

Additionally, Seth and I are happy to share our latest podcast, where we cover everything from A to Zed.